Summer feelings

     The days grow longer, the days are warmer. Everyone is preparing for summer. Some dreading the hot days, others roaring to go to the beach and pools. Me , I am stuck in the middle. Summer is now not a good memory....I am picking up the pieces of my heart trying to move forward with some parts, trying to get back some other things. Everything is so crazy. I don't know who to love, who to trust, who to explain myself to. Don't know how i am suppose to mature when i can barely act like a kid as it is. These summer days are beautiful and i cant wait for them to happen more. Part of me wants to stay winter , if only in spirit. Everyone tells me this is how i should be , but do they know how i am really suppose to be.I would love nothing more then to be back at dad's, with them. Playing in the front(and back) yard. Summers there were the best, for a day,if only for a while,, I was my daddy's little girl. I could do whatever i wanted ...... this summer i plan to have no regrets do whatever i want whenever i want. Not worry about the consequences because i only live once and i might as well end up at the gates of heaven saying"that was a lot of fun" as opposed to "man i wish.....". I am also very worried that my summer will end up being the same as last year. End a relationship, get back in it, lose a parent, get a broken heart, lose family and GO CRAZY! I am so scared that history, GOD FORBID, is repeating itself. I'm questioning my relationship and Mom is dad's age now. I'm not loving this whole thinking thing it makes me sick! When i think , i over think and make assumptions. Then i lose it, maybe one day someone will just render me senseless and i wouldn't have to think anymore. I miss being little and the biggest decision was weither or not to use the blue crayon or the purple one! Who knows how this summer is gonna go......*cross fingers* it will be great.! ............... yeah ha !